


Never Over You

by tchrgleek



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Background Character Death, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-09
Updated: 2013-03-09
Packaged: 2017-12-04 19:28:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/714212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tchrgleek/pseuds/tchrgleek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Six months after their break-up, Blaine finds himself wanting to comfort Kurt at Burt's funeral. Written before 4x04 aired.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

It didn’t matter that he’d known it was coming for six months. It didn’t matter that he’d had the chance to say goodbye, to prepare. When it finally happened, Blaine knew Kurt well enough to know he wasn’t going to get through it on his own. Blaine needed to be there, to hold him, to remind him that he wasn’t alone. It didn’t matter that they hadn’t spoken in months. Blaine was still in Lima, graduation wasn’t for another month, and he would be there for Kurt on the worst day of his life. He had to be. Never mind that it was the most difficult thing Blaine Anderson had ever had to do.

When he arrived at the funeral home, the first thing Blaine noticed was the wall of photographs in the lobby from Burt’s life. He looked at all the pictures of little Kurt with two parents, his mother’s beautiful face, her beautiful smile, that reminded Blaine so much of Kurt’s. Kurt was always smiling in those pictures. The photos changed, and there weren’t as many pictures for those years where it was just Starsky and gay Hutch. Kurt hardly smiled in those pictures. The years of being without his mom had taken their toll. What was true in every picture was Kurt and Burt were leaning towards each other, leaning on each other, like one couldn’t stand without the other. Now that was gone. Kurt had no one else to lean on.

As he continued through the lobby, he worked his way towards the double doors leading into the room where Burt’s body lay. He balked on his way through the doors, wondering if this had really been a good idea after all. As his eyes scanned the room, he saw many of the New Directions, both current and graduated, chatting with each other in muted voices. Blaine saw Carole across the room, chatting with a woman he didn’t know. Carole was smiling, almost laughing at something the other woman was telling her, but her eyes were streaming with tears. Blaine couldn’t see Kurt anywhere. He went over to greet Carole, and she wrapped him up in a hug that seemed like it would never end. She whispered in his ear, “I didn’t think we’d get to see you today. Thank you so much for coming.” Carole let go and looked Blaine in the eye. “Burt loved you like you were his own, you know. I’m honored you are here.”

Tears filled Blaine’s eyes at that moment. He had almost forgotten what it was like to be held like this. His parents were still distant, even though he had broken it off with Kurt so many months ago. His sexuality still put a wall in between them, even if he wasn’t acting on it. Carole’s embrace and her sweet words were almost more than he could take. He was so lonely. “I couldn’t stay away. Burt was more of a father to me than my own. I’m so sorry I didn’t have a chance to tell him in person.”

“Why didn’t you come to the hospital? We’d known about the cancer since before Christmas. Didn’t Kurt tell you?” Carole asked.

“He didn’t, no, but I heard anyway. News travels fast at McKinley.” Blaine found Carole’s eyes with his own. “I don’t know why I didn’t come earlier, to be honest. I was afraid Kurt wouldn’t want to see me.” Blaine looked down at the floor, saying “I thought maybe Burt was angry that I’d broken Kurt’s heart. I was too afraid to face him, I guess.”

“Well, you’re here now. Would you like to talk to Kurt? He’s in the family room, right now. I think all the people got too overwhelming, and he needed to take a break. Finn went with him so he wouldn’t be alone.”

“Do you think he’ll want to see me, if everyone else was too much? We didn’t exactly end things on a positive note.”

“Believe me, Blaine. He needs you now more than ever. Go. Right through that door,” she replied, pointing at a door Blaine hadn’t noticed. “I can’t think of anyone better to soothe his soul than you, Blaine.”

Blaine turned and took a deep breath, steeling himself to do what he should have done months ago.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Kurt and Finn were sitting at a table in the private family area, talking quietly with each other when Blaine opened the door. Neither of them looked up, so he stopped just to take a breath and drink in the sight of the man he hadn’t seen since that night in New York when Blaine had let him go.  
  
 _“Blaine, please, tell me why you are doing this. I want you, no one else.”  
  
“It’s for the best, Kurt. You don’t need to be tied down to Ohio anymore. This is where you belong. I just don’t fit into your life anymore. I can’t do the long distance. It just hurts, too much.”  
  
“It’s only for a year, Blaine, please, don’t do this. I’ll be here for you, waiting for you.”  
  
“You shouldn’t have to wait, Kurt. That’s the whole point. You have a new life now. You have so many opportunities here, and I just can’t make myself fit into your life. Skype and phone calls aren’t enough for me. I love you. I always will. I just can’t do this anymore.” With that, Blaine couldn’t look at Kurt anymore, and turned away until he heard Kurt leave, his sobs echoing in the air._  
  
Blaine hadn’t known that night that Burt already had the cancer growing in his body. That it had already spread beyond the point of no return. He didn’t know at that point that Kurt would lose the other man that had been his world, the only other rock he had, in just a matter of months. He had been completely unaware that Kurt’s life would change so dramatically, and Blaine couldn’t have known how much Kurt would need someone to support him so soon.  
  
As Blaine watched Kurt talking with his brother in that bleak, cold room, he realized more clearly than ever what a mistake he had made so many months before. This strong, beautiful man meant more to him than any person ever had in his life. Tears welled up in his eyes again, as he recognized the longing in his soul to take Kurt in his arms, and never let him go again.  
  
Kurt must have felt Blaine’s presence in the room, because all of a sudden he looked up, his eyes locking on Blaine’s. Kurt inhaled sharply and his eyes grew wide. “Is it really you?” Kurt whispered. “What are you doing here?”  
  
“I’m so sorry.” The words felt empty. There was so much more in his heart and soul to say, but the words weren’t there. “Kurt, I’m so,  _so_  sorry.” He was apologizing for so much more than Burt – for causing Kurt pain, for hurting him all those months ago – but he had no idea if Kurt was in any shape to recognize it.  
  
Kurt stood up and took a step towards Blaine. Finn stood up right behind him and said, “Hey man. Why are you here? I think …”  
  
“Be quiet, Finn. Can you give Blaine and me a minute alone?” Kurt requested.  
  
“Are you sure, Kurt? I can stay for awhile.”  
  
Kurt rolled his eyes at Finn, as if to say  _“Duh. I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t mean it.”_  
  
“Right. Got it. I’ll be right outside if you need me.” Finn strode towards Blaine, glaring at him as he walked past, out the door Blaine had come through.  
  
“Hi,” Blaine breathed out when they were alone.  
  
“Hello, Blaine.” Kurt looked away as if in pain. “You didn’t answer my question. Why are you here?”  
  
“I — I … I don’t really know. I thought you might need a friend, today of all days.”  
  
“And you thought you were the right man for the job?” Kurt’s sarcasm cut deep. Apparently Blaine was wrong to come, wrong to try and offer comfort.  
  
“I’m sorry. I can go if you want me to.”  
  
  
  
“You’re good at that, aren’t you? Things get too difficult and Blaine runs away,” Kurt snapped.  
  
Blaine could no longer stop the tears. “Kurt, I … I’m sorry. I was wrong. I shouldn’t have left you; I shouldn’t have broken up with you. I am so sorry, Kurt. I’m sorry!” Blaine’s tears were flowing freely as he turned to leave.  
  
“Blaine.” Kurt’s voice broke. “I’m sorry, too. Don’t go. Please. Dad loved you. He’d want you here.”  
  
“Do you want me here, Kurt?”  
  
Kurt drew in a long, slow breath, whereas Blaine couldn’t breathe at all. A minute felt like an hour as he waited for Kurt’s answer.


	3. Chapter 3

“Do you want me here, Kurt?” Waiting for Kurt’s answer felt like an eternity to Blaine.  
  
Finally, Kurt responded, “I do, Blaine. I need you here.” Kurt’s voice broke as he continued, “I’ve missed you, so much.”  
  
Blaine reached out a hand, and Kurt took it in his own. They walked together over to the table and sat down.  
  
“So …” Blaine started, at the same moment as Kurt began, “How have you …”  
  
“Sorry,” Blaine said. “You go first.”  
  
“What have you been up to, Blaine? You graduate next month, don’t you?”  
  
“I do. I’ve kept myself busy. I think I joined every club at McKinley, just to try and keep my mind off of everything. I’ve missed you so much, Kurt. I’ve missed us.”  
  
“Why didn’t you call? I’ve been here for weeks. Once we realized how serious the cancer was, I couldn’t stay in New York. “  
  
Blaine’s brow furrowed. “Kurt, what about your internship? Did you lose your place?”  
  
“They were very understanding. They’re holding my spot until I can get back. I’m staying here for another few weeks to help Carole take care of everything, and I’ll head back to New York in the middle of June.”  
  
“Wow, that’s … that’s great! How is the work?” Blaine asked.  
  
“I love it. I’m really good at what I do, and they’re even talking about letting me show one of my designs at fashion week in September.”  
  
“Kurt, that’s amazing!” Blaine gushed. “I always knew you could do it. You are so talented. I’m so proud of you.”  
  
“Thank you,” Kurt replied, blushing, while he looked away from Blaine. “What about you? What are you going to do with yourself after graduation?”  
  
Blaine responded, “Well, my parents suggested I study law or business, so I applied to both Columbia and NYU. But, I also applied to NYADA and Tisch at NYU, as well, because I really want to study drama and theater.”  
  
“Wait. All those schools are in New York. Blaine, are you still planning to come to the city?” Kurt looked almost hopeful for a moment.  
  
“Of course. There’s nothing for me in Ohio. At least in New York, I would still …” Blaine trailed off. He couldn’t admit that he had been hoping to run into Kurt in the city. That was a fool’s game. New York was so big and Kurt was an intern, working for a living. There was no way they’d have crossed paths. Blaine blushed slightly, as he realized the folly of what he’d been dreaming for so long.  
  
The door opened, and Finn poked his head in. “Kurt, it’s time. The service is about to start.”  
  
Blaine looked over at Kurt, whose face had gone white. “Kurt, do you want me to leave you alone now?”  
  
“No. Can I lean on you today? Just for a little while?”  
  
“Of course.” Blaine stood up, took Kurt’s hand in his, and led him towards the door.


	4. Chapter 4

The funeral service was beautiful. The official in charge began the service by reading a poem:  
  
 _Do not stand at my grave and weep  
I am not there. I do not sleep. . ._  
  
  
  
Blaine looked over at Kurt, whose eyes were closed, and wondered for the first time if Burt might have planned the service with Kurt in mind before he died.  
  
  
  
 _When you awaken in the morning’s hush  
I am the swift uplifting rush   
Of quiet birds in circled flight.   
I am the soft stars that shine at night. _  
  
  
  
Blaine knew it then. Burt wanted Kurt to see him in each morning’s sunrise and each night’s starshine, to know his dad would always be watching over him.  
  
  
  
 _Do not stand at my grave and cry;  
I am not there. I did not die. _  
  
The official then stood up and introduced the first song, saying “Burt made a special request before he passed. Eric Clapton was one of his favorite artists, and he sought comfort in this song when his first wife died. His son, Kurt, agreed to sing it in honor of his parents.”  
  
Then, Kurt stood up and sang Eric Clapton’s [Tears in Heaven](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JxPj3GAYYZ0&feature=fvwrel). Blaine couldn’t control his tears as he listened to Kurt’s beautiful voice asking  _“Would you hold my hand, if I saw you in heaven?”_  
  
When Kurt reached the last line of the song,  _“I must be strong and carry on ‘cause I know I don’t belong here in heaven”_  Blaine knew that he had to be there to help Kurt carry on. It could work. It had to work. They would both be in New York. Maybe Kurt would let them start again.  
  
  
  
Blaine remained sitting by Kurt’s side, holding his hand as the service continued. Some of the guys from the shop stood up and spoke about what a great boss Burt had been. Dennis Kucinich, one of the other congressmen from Ohio, talked about how Burt had always been a man of principles, and that the rest of the Ohio representatives wouldn’t rest until his dream of marriage equality was a reality. He spoke of introducing the “Burt Hummel Marriage Equality Amendment”, and most of the crowd cheered and whistled.  
  
  
  
Finn, however, sat stoically in the front row until it was Carole’s turn to speak. He supported his mom as she walked to the front, and stood beside her the entire time she was talking about her relationship with Burt and her joy at having loved him for as long as she had been able to. Kurt reached over and grasped Blaine’s hand. Blaine squeezed back lightly, and Kurt leaned over to whisper in his ear, “She made him happier than I’d ever seen him. They were so lucky to have each other.”  
  
  
  
Carole ended her speech by thanking Kurt for introducing her to the second love of her life, and thanking everyone for coming to say goodbye.  
  
  
  
As the service came to an end, Puck stood up, picked up his guitar, and [began to sing](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4KUmm0XsLY):  
  
 _“See the moon roll across the stars.  
See the seasons turn like a heart.  
Your father’s days are lost to you.  
This is your time here to do what you will do.”_  
  
  
The funeral home director and his assistant walked to the casket and closed it.   
  
  
 _“Your life is now, your life is now, your life is now.  
In this undiscovered moment  
Lift your head up above the crowd.  
We could shake this world  
If you would only show us how.  
Your life is now.”_  
  
  
The director summoned the pall bearers, including Kurt and Finn, to begin moving the casket down the aisle and out the door to the front.   
  
  
 _“Would you teach your children to tell the truth?  
Would you take the high road if you could choose?  
Do you believe you’re a victim of a great compromise?  
’Cause I believe you could change your mind and change our lives.”_  
  
  
Carole stood to follow her husband’s body down the aisle. She hesitated, looked over at Blaine, and held her hand out to him. He stood up, took her hand, and walked her out of the room.  
  
  
 _“Your life is now, your life is now, your life is now._  
In this undiscovered moment,  
Lift your head up above the crowd.  
We could shake this world,  
If you would only show us how  
Your life is now.”  
  
  
Once they were out in the lobby, before the family left for the private burial service, Blaine walked over to Kurt and Finn, and held out his hand to shake. Finn looked away awkwardly, but Kurt looked him in the eye, and asked “Will you call me, Blaine? Please?”  
  
Blaine didn’t hesitate. “Of course, Kurt. Anything you want.”


	5. Chapter 5

It took Blaine a long time to fall asleep that night. He was torn. He wanted more than anything to call Kurt right away, to pick up where they had left off before he had so foolishly broken Kurt’s heart in the fall. He knew, though, there had been a lot of changes in both of their lives, and he wasn’t sure how to bridge that gap. When he finally fell asleep, it was fitful and he woke up more tired than he had been when he went to bed.  
  
In the morning, Blaine took extra care getting himself ready. He chose his clothes carefully; wanting to be sure that Kurt would like what he saw without being too forward or suggestive. Then, he took a deep breath, pulled out his phone, and dialed the number his thumb had hesitated over without calling, every time, for six months.  
  
“Hello?”  
  
“Hi, Kurt.”  
  
“Hi, Blaine.”  
  
“I was wondering, um, . . . would you maybe . . . want to . . . um . . . grab a cup of coffee with me?” Blaine thought he had never sounded so weak and stupid. He could barely get the sentence out; he was so nervous.  
  
“When?”  
  
“Oh, right. Today. This morning. Whenever you can?”  
  
“That could work. I have to take Carole over to the funeral home to settle some things this afternoon, but I can probably meet you for a little while this morning.”   
  
“Yeah? Great! Um, what time, then?”  
  
“Nine sound good? Should I meet you at the Lima Bean?”  
  
“Could I maybe . . . I don’t know. This is stupid,” Blaine stammered.  
  
“Blaine, what?”  
  
“I’d like to pick you up. I‘d like to see Carole again, and . . . “ Blaine’s voice trailed off as he spoke. He was completely unsure of himself, or even why he felt so strongly about going back to that house for the first time since September. He just hoped Kurt would understand.  
  
Kurt hesitated for a moment before replying, “I guess that’s OK. See you in a little bit, then?”  
  
“Yeah, see you.” Blaine finished getting ready, and got in his car to drive to the place where he had spent so many hours feeling loved and cared for. He used to be a part of this family, the only real family he’d had since coming out. The family he had lost when he set Kurt free.   
  
He pulled up to the house and got out of the car. He walked slowly up to the door, took a deep breath, and rang the doorbell. Blaine could hear footsteps inside coming towards the door and then Carole was there, drawing him into another one of her warm hugs.   
  
“Oh, Blaine. We’ve missed you so much. I’m so happy you’re here. “  
  
Just then, Blaine caught a glimpse of Kurt over Carole’s shoulder. His usually bright, blue eyes were a cold grey. The light had gone out of them. At that moment, Blaine knew he would do anything to bring that light back. Anything at all.  
  
  
They rode together in Blaine’s car to the Lima Bean. Blaine scooted around to open Kurt’s door for him as they got out in the parking lot. Kurt blushed slightly, and didn’t look Blaine in the eye. They walked together into the coffee shop, and Blaine’s hand itched to reach out and hold Kurt’s, but he was too scared of being rejected. He settled on opening the door of the restaurant for Kurt as they walked in.   
  
“Thank you, Blaine.” Kurt peeked at Blaine from underneath his eyelashes, his head down as he went into the shop.  
  
“Still a non-fat mocha?” asked Blaine.  
  
“Of course,” replied Kurt. “Some things never change.”  
  
Blaine ordered their coffee, and Kurt found a table and sat down. When Blaine brought the coffee over, he sat across from Kurt, looking directly into those cold, grey eyes that should have been bright blue, and all of a sudden had no idea what to say. All the things he had been rehearsing in his mind the day before were just gone. Kurt wasn’t offering any help either. He sat there, looking out the window, looking over at the barista, looking around the room . . . anywhere but at Blaine.  
  
Finally, Blaine swallowed hard, took a deep breath, and began slowly: “Kurt, I . . .”  
  
“Blaine, wait,” Kurt interrupted. “I need to know. Why did you come yesterday? Don’t get me wrong. I’m so grateful you were there. You’ll never know how much I appreciate you being there. But I don’t understand. You broke up with me. You broke my heart. What made you decide to come?”  
  
“Well, actually, I regretted breaking up with you the minute I landed in Ohio. I know it was better for you to be free, but honestly Kurt, it hurt so much. It still hurts, so so much. I don’t think I’ll ever get over you. You’re everywhere. Every cup of coffee I drink, every song I sing, every morning when I wake up, I want you to be there. I want to tell you all my hopes and dreams. I want to share every part of my life with you.” Blaine paused to take a breath. “I miss your smile. I miss your laugh. I miss kissing you, touching you, making love to you. Kurt, you were my everything, and I made the biggest mistake of my life letting you go. Can you ever forgive me?”  
  
Kurt finally looked up, blinking back tears as he gazed at Blaine with wonder in his eyes. In a voice so soft it was almost a whisper, he asked “Do you really mean it? I couldn’t survive if you break my heart again, Blaine. I . . .” Kurt broke down as the tears he’d been trying to hide began to flow uncontrollably.   
  
Blaine stood up and moved around to Kurt’s side of the table, taking him in his arms. At that moment, he didn’t care that he was in the middle of Lima, Ohio. The love of his life needed him more than he needed to feel safe. He held onto Kurt while he released all the tears he had been holding back for so long. Tears for his lost relationship, for his father, for the future he was afraid would never come. “Kurt, I will never leave you again. I can move to New York with you after graduation, in June. I will be by your side when your designs hit the runway this fall. I will hold you when you are lonely, and we can celebrate every victory, together. I love you so much.”  
  
“I love you, too, Blaine. I always have. I’ve never wanted anyone else.”  
  
The boys stood up, hands clasped, and walked out the door to the life that was waiting for them, together.


End file.
